This is my motherhood, and you will not take that away from me.

Recently we celebrated st Patricks day in our house. Complete with a leprechaun sneaking around the house leaving green footprints all over. My son kagun who is 4 sat down at the table with me and painted rocks that we found outside gold, and made a trap to try and catch the leprechaun. We were unsuccessful at our attempt to catch him, but we had a great time trying to find him! 

And what did I get from this? 1- a mess of green painted foot prints all over the house that I cleaned up a week later. 2- green underwear from sitting on the toilet seat where he had left his foot prints 3- the best "Monday" we had all month 4- memories that he and I will both remember 

And last....

5- comments, remarks and rude people telling me how I am doing something wrong as a mother because I "over celebrate" the holidays. 

Because I am raising the expectations of their children's holidays, and because (my opinion here) they don't want to or can't celebrate them as gloriously as I do with my children. 

Let me explain a few things...

I am a stay at home mother of three boys ages 4, 2 and 8 months. 

There are times when we don't leave the house for a few days. 

I take two min showers, with a 4 yr old boy asking me about my boobies and why he doesn't have them. 

Some times I don't get dressed. 

Most of the time I don't even put a bra on. (And I consider this a good day when I don't. )

And you know why? because that means that I stayed home with my kids, gave them my all, and spent time with them that is more important to me than how I look. 

So on a Monday when I am struggling to get out of bed due to lack of sleep, I am EXCITED to have a reason to celebrate! I create memories that will last a life time. I paint rocks and build paper traps. Why? Because for that moment in time I was sitting at the table bonding with a four year old boy who has my heart. 

He wasn't watching tv, playing the iPad.... He was playing with me. And I am his hero for that moment in time. 

I didn't spend a dollar. I spent time. 

I also celebrate Presidents' Day by making presidents hats. Valentines day making cookies and heart shaped papers to hang around the house. April fools playing silly pranks and jokes. And any other holiday that comes up, we will celebrate! 

It's not about making myself look like a better mother than you. It's not about raising your child's expectations of silly holidays. It's not about spending money and buying giving gifts. 

It's my motherhood. I choose to go above and beyond for my children. To see their faces when am ordinary day is turned into a celebration! To give them my all, my time, my love. To create memories. To spend time with them. 

My children are young and I feel like time has passed so quickly. They are growing older and are no longer my babies (except for my youngest who still lets me hold him and kiss him). 

This is my motherhood. I am creating my kids childhood. That will remain with them beyond the time that they are in my home. And I love that I am creating a happy childhood. Full of memories and love.

I will not let other moms ruin my motherhood, my kids childhood because they are judging me, trying to bring me down.

I will hold my kids, kiss them, celebrate with them! 

Why? Because this is my motherhood. And you will not take that away from me. 

Miracle momma - Waylond's birth story

On Monday August 5, 2013 we welcomed Waylond Brennan Ellett to our family. Earlier that afternoon I started bleeding really heavily so I called Brennan and we decided to head to the hospital. I called my mom to come over with Kagun and Krae while we were in the hospital.
During the time that it took to get our things together and the hour and a half drive to the hospital, I lost a lot o blood. As soon as we arrived to the hospital I started telling every nurse I came in contact with how much blood I was losing, and that this was urgent that we get my dr here immediately. Unfortunately I was put off and put off until I was completely checked In and all questions were answered. Once the first nurse checked me and realized how much blood I was losing she called the dr in right away. When the dr. came in and realized this was more of an emergency than just a scare, he said we would be getting the baby out as soon as possible emergency c section. Soon after the epidural specialist was there and I received the epidural and was sent straight to the operating room. We actually had to wait twenty minutes for the epidural to kick in to start the surgery. They kept pushing more and more epidural hoping to rush it faster, but that didn't work and in the long run was just harder to recover from such a heavy epidural.
The c section went as great as it could have. There were no complications with me or Waylond and he was born at 5:22 pm weighing 6 lbs 13 oz. once Waylond was born, I took a nap while they were stitching me back up ( the huge dose of epidural had fully kicked in by now ). They then wheeled me back to my room where Brennan and I waited while they were getting Waylond ready. He had some trouble breathing after he was born and needed some help. After a few minutes with the drs and nurses he was brought to our room for the first time.
He was and angel. Pure perfection. I felt like a first time mom all over again. I couldn't believe what my body had created (with a little help from Brennan) over the last nine months. And to this moment right now, I have not been able to put him down or stop staring at him. He's in my arms sleeping as I type this (:
After all had calmed down from the emergency c section and me and Waylond were together, happy and healthy the dr came in to check on me. The bleeding had not stopped and I was continuing to lose more and more blood. The dr did a check inside and found a foreign piece of what he believes to be the placenta stuck on the wall of my cervix. He removed the foreign piece and an hour later I had completely stopped bleeding. The dr says I had what is called Placenta
Previa which is where my placenta tears away and my body started bleeding to flush it out.
On Wednesday we where released to come home. Dr gave us the option to stay till Thursday but I felt great and the baby was healthy so we chose to go home to our other two boys who were anxiously waiting for us to come home.
Once we were home and settled, I was still feeling great. I was in some pain from the surgery but nothing that I couldn't handle.
It was on Saturday that the pain started to get worse. By Sunday evening I was sitting on the couch bawling because I was in so much pain. I couldn't walk, move, or hold any of my children without the pain being so much that my whole body would shake. I asked Brennan for a blessing and when the blessing was over he looked right at me and said we needed to get to the hospital ASAP. I had the same prompting so we called the clinic here and I was seen by the on call dr.
After he ran my blood through some test he said that my hematocrit level was 18 and it should be in the high 30s. He said he didn't know how I was even walking with the little amount of blood that I had in my body. He said my body was starting to shut down and that if i had not come in and waited it out I would have eventually died when my body shut down completely. My body didn't have enough blood to reproduce the amount that I had lost.
So we drove the hour and a half to the hospital and checked in there. The dr also found an infection in my uterus called postpartum endometritis. On top of that, I had a HUGE hematoma above my incision that wad causing me a lot of pain. The next morning I received four units of blood which is half a gallon of blood! The average person has 8-12 units of blood and I had lost 4 prior to, during, and after delivery. Once I had received the blood (which took over 12 hours) they kept me another night to give me four more antibiotics through the IV.
During the time I was at the hospital I was struggling so hard. I had a brand new baby at home that I couldn't be there to hold, and it broke my heart. I was missing my children and husband so bad, I started to get depressed. The only thing that kept me up during this time was praying my heart out. I prayed all day long and even dream prayed all night long. I knew that I needed to be in the hospital to get better so that I could go home to take care of my children. And I knew that if I didn't stay and get betters 100% then I wouldn't be able to give my children 100% when I got home.
Honestly, it was the hardest four days of my life. And if it weren't for my husband, and my mom I never would have made it through. On Monday Brennan brought me Waylond and I held him and cried the whole time. My mom stayed home with all three of my boys and took care of them when I could not. On Tuesday my mom and dad and shade came and brought Waylond to see me. It was the only thing that kept me going, seeing my baby for the few hours on two days.
On Wednesday I was released to go home and it was the greatest moment to finally be on my way to see my children.
I'm not sure why I was released from the hospital when I had lost so much blood. They said that a number of things could have masked my hematocrit level and that it was normal when I wad released.
But, I am grateful most of all for my husband in all of this. For him holding the priesthood and blessing me in such a time of need. For being there and holding my hand through all of this and mostly for giving me the third boy in our family, who is beautiful, healthy and perfection.

Thank you to the few who have helped me in this time of need. As hard as it is for me to admit, I need help while I recover and my family needs me to recover quickly! You know who you are and I want you to know you are greatly appreciated!
Today, I am feeling a lot better than I was a week ago. I have my energy back, the color back in my skin, and I am walking around and able to care for my kids. I still am in a lot of pain and take things pretty slowly and easy. I am so grateful to be alive and well. Thank you all for your prayers and concern for me and my family.

I am a new woman. A new mom. A rested mom.

I always wanted one of those kids that just lays down and goes to sleep on his own. Krae is one of those kids. I read through the books The No Cry Sleep Method. And they have changed my life. Kagun and Krae now have bedtime routines and are asleep in their own beds by 8:30pm every night. And they both sleep through the night with maybe one wake up. Which is a huge improvement from when we started.
The routine starts with dinner, a tub, quiet dimly lit play time, reading books, pre bedtime snack, brushing teeth, prayer and then bed. For Kagun he gets a sticker for his bed time chart for everything he accomplishes.
This week I weaned Krae from nursing and that was a challenge. For both of us. But we conquered it and he goes to sleep with no nursing, no binkey, and no sippy. He just lays down and goes to sleep! I am shocked beyond words. He was my baby who couldn't sleep without nursing. He woke up every hour of the night to assure that I was there and then would nurse for an hour to go back to sleep.
And for Kagun bedtime was always a two hour ordeal. We had even given in to letting him stay up and going to sleep at 10, 11, or whenever he fell asleep. Not only was that hurting my mommy time, but my time with my husband. Tonight Kagun was asleep in under ten minutes!
I am a new woman. A rested and happy mom. Aside from being sick this week, sleeping has been phenomenal!

Christmas 2012

Christmas at our house was huge. This is the first year that Kagun has really understood Christmas, Jesus and all the stories and songs. I started talking about it in October, which meant lots of time to tell stories about Christmas, watch movies and get excited.

Kagun was really excited this year and he even shared his presents. When we had family over, he would give them one of his presents and tell them to keep it. 

Krae didnt have the desire at all to open any presents, so Kagun opened most of them for him. All around, we had a great year at our home. (: 

 This picture is pure joy. This was one of the first times that Kagun let Krae ride this truck. You can see how excited he is (:

 Both of the boys got matching long johns to wear. They didnt last long, but at least I got a picture.

 Kagun was very patient in opening his presents (for the most part). He was so excited to see what was in each one.

 Yes, Krae needs a haircut. No, I will not be cutting it. I love it too much.

Christmas was great, I love that we have both sides of our family so close to us. We were able to spend the day with both of our families all throughout the day. I love having our family so close, especially during the Holidays when we dont have to go too far to see them. 

9/1/12 forever a family

On September 1, 2012 we were sealed together as a family in the manti temple. It was by far the greatest day of our lives. Once we decided that we wanted to go through the temple, everything fell into place completely. We had started the process of Brennan adopting Kagun in 2011 and were nowhere near being completed when we decided to go through the temple. Since we had talked to the bishop and started class, the adoption was finalized. It was such a blessing because we were prepared to have to wait to go to the temple till after Kagun was adopted. We had people tell us to go through with Krae and then again with Kagun when the adoption was finalized. But I couldn't even consider it. Leaving one of my children behind was not an option.
As the day approached we couldn't have been more excited. We spent lots of time preparing Kagun for such a special day in his life. He was so eager and excited to learn about the temple and about Jesus. We took every opportunity to build his spirit and testimony. One of my fears was leaving Kagun and Krae in the nursery while we went through our parts without them. I prayed long and hard for comfort and peace and just left my worries to The Lord so I could enjoy every ounce of what I learned in the temple. And of course they were fine, They cried a little as I thought they would. But overall they were the perfect children.
My greatest memory of our first day in the temple was seeing my children dressed in white and knowing with all my heart that we were sealed together as a family... Beyond death. One of the greatest things that I heard that day was that when our children and families are sealed together, there is a promise that if our children fall away or wander from the gospel, THEY WILL RETURN. As a mother that made all my fears of this world and my children disappear.
Overall the whole day was amazing. My aunt from New York flew in just to be there for our special day. It was so amazing to see all my family in one great room and all the love in their eyes.
Our lives have changed in so many ways since we have gone through the temple. In more ways than I can count. I am so grateful for an amazing husband who stands by me and our family every day. I can't imagine life getting any better.

Krae's Story

The first night that I thought Krae was coming was on December 31, New Years Eve! But after a quick trip to the clinic in Bicknell, the test said my water had not broke. The next day it had been less than 24 hours from then and I knew for a fact that my water had broken. It really was like in the movies where it gushed out all over the place and made a mess on the floor. As soon as reality hit me that the time was finally here, I called Brennan up the stairs and told him it was time to go and get our things ready. I was getting out of the tub when my water broke, but it may have been me rocking really hard in my moms rocking chair that got the labor started. Once I told Brennan what was going on and we both had let the shock settle a little bit, we called both of our parents and told them we were on our way to the hospital in Richfield, which is an hour away from where we live. My mom and Vance came to pick up Kagun and take him home with them, but Kagun didnt want to go. He wanted to go see baby Krae at the hospital with mom. It took some persuading, but Kagun finally went with my mom and told us he would see us later.

We got to the hospital at 10:00pm and I was placed straight into labor and delivery. They tested to be sure that my water had broken, and once they confirmed that it had they started petocin to speed up the labor process. When I arrived I was dilated to a 1 and the nurse said my cervix was really high and she could barely reach it. My body took to the petocin really well and I started cruising through the stages of labor. Shortly after the petocin I received the epidural, which in my opinion comes in second place in pain right after child birth. I didnt know they could do this, but when the guy put in my epidural he "turned off" my bladder. It was a very uncomfortable feeling and something I didnt know they could even do. Every few hours a nurse would come in to drain my bladder without a catheter. Something I thought was pretty interesting.

After 9 hours of labor I started to develop a fever. I got really cold and was really dehydrated. I couldnt control my whole body shaking and I could not get warm enough. I was really upset with my nurse because she wouldnt give me any water to drink, and all I wanted was a glass of water to drink. (They only allow ice chips in the case that you have to have a c section, drinking water puts risk of having water in your lungs). A nurse brought in some Tylenol and an antibiotic for my fever that was now up to 104.2. After I took the Tylenol my whole body got really hot and I started sweating from head to toe. All of this was during labor and at this point I was dilated to a 7. The nurses kept pushing petocin and continued trying to speed up labor. The Dr. came in and expressed his concerns about the fever and ordered tests to find out what was causing the fever. He assumed it would be a urinary tract infection, an infection in the amniotic fluid, tonsilitis, or basically any kind of infection he could think of... he was testing for. By this point I was dilated to an 8 and concern for the baby and mommy delivering successfully was starting to come up. The Dr. had the tests sent to find out what was causing the fever but there wasnt time to wait for them. During each contraction that I had, Krae's heartbeat would decline from 170 bpm to 50 or below bpm. The talk about a C section delivery was quickly discussed and decided that to get the baby out healthy and alive, a C section would need to happen and would need to happen FAST. At this point I was dilated to a 9 and my contractions were a minute or less apart and Krae's heartbeat slowed down to 47 bpm for 7 min straight before it started to climb back up. At this point there was no more time for talking about anything and I was rushed to the operating room. Doctors discussed the risks of what was happening and told Brennan and I that there was something going on and for the health of the baby and for the health of mom, a C section needed to happen as soon as possible before something happened that they could not control. Krae was delivered 5 min after I entered the operation room. As soon as he was born he cried a very loud healthy cry. Brennan sat by my side and held my hand while I cried and cried just to see and hold my baby. It was ten minutes before I was allowed to see Krae and it took all I could to just pick up my hand and place it on his face. The epidural I had, left me numb from head to toe but I somehow managed to pick up my hand and touch my sons face for the first time. He was alive, breathing and healthy and there was nothing more I could ask for.

Once Brennan left with Krae to take him to the nursery to be weighed and cleaned, I was left alone on the operating table. Only I wasnt alone, there were about 15 other people around me doing whatever it was that they were doing. I silently prayed that someone would come and hold my hand, I cant explain why but I did not want to be alone. I was so scared and I wanted to be with my husband and my baby. Not two seconds after I silently uttered a prayer for someone to hold my hand, I had Cindy holding and stroking my right hand and whispering to me that everything was going to be ok. To me left I had Darren, and his two large hands wrapped around mine and he just held me tight. And right directly above me was Rex, wiping my tears away and playing with my hair. I was so touched by these people that I cried even harder... they had no idea how the simple things they were doing were a direct answer to my prayer. And the simplicity of the things that they were doing was what got me through the rest of the surgery.

During the c section delivery the Dr. found out that the umbilical cord that connected me to Krae was extremely short and decided that there was no way that Krae could have been born vaginally successfully. The cause of the fever is still unknown, but the Dr. made it a point to tell me that maybe that was a blessing from God to let the Doctors know that something was wrong and whether they understood it or not, a C section needed to be done to deliver Krae. My fever reached 104.2 and didnt settle for 24 hours from the moment that it started. Because the length of the umbilical cord was so short, had I continued to deliver vaginally the stress on the baby, the cord and on mommy would have been too much for the body to handle and the baby would not have made it... and moms chances would have been low as well.

Right now I am sitting in the hospital holding my newborn son and all I can think of is how grateful I am to be alive holding him. There were so many things that "could have" happened and it makes me physically ill to think of all those things. My husband Brennan has been here with me every step of the way. And while I am so grateful for him, my heart goes out to him and all that he had to see throughout this process. Not only was his wife and baby at risk, he didnt know what was going to happen once the surgery was started and all he could do was sit back, pray and watch as all these strangers tried to get his child out alive without putting his wife in danger. Not only is he the strongest, most amazing man I know, he is truly my strength, my rock and that of which I lean on when I am weak.

This past week has been difficult for Brennan and I, but here we are sitting in the hospital staring at this baby who is now two days old and we couldnt be happier.

I know without a doubt in my mind and in my heart that my Savior, my Lord and my Jesus Christ have been with me this week, holding my hand and keeping me strong. I know that through my faith and love in Him, He stood there and sent me angels to hold my hand when I was alone and feeling scared. He stood by Brennan and helped him be strong when he wanted to be weak. I know that God's hand is in my life everyday and I am so thankful that this week was guided so strongly by His hand in our lives.

Happy Halloween!!!

Happy Halloween friends and family! We started out the day getting dressed up and going to the Elementary School to watch Uncle Swade in the Halloween Parade. More pictures to come tonight after the trunk or treat and Halloween Carnival!!